How to Set New Relationship Boundaries in Old Relationships
Setting healthy relationship boundaries helps facilitate appropriate behaviour in our relationships, whatever they may look like – from friends, family, partners, and colleagues. Boundaries are not, however, black and white.
People are complex, and knowing how to communicate and co-exist is very much dependent on knowing where you stand personally and being able to empathise with where others stand. They differ from person to person and from situation to situation and are affected by culture, age, personality, and context.
In this article, we’ll take a look at how to set new relationship boundaries, particularly in old relationships – which can be, in some cases, more difficult because of past history and experience.
Define your relationship boundaries
The first step to building strong relationships that reflect your needs is defining your boundaries and identifying any overstepping of boundaries. Write a list of things that do and don’t work for you when it comes to relationships. Create them based on your values, opinions and what is important to you. Consider how old relationships align with these things.
Examples of boundary-setting
If you’re unsure what setting boundaries might look like, take a look at this list and see how you can incorporate them into your relationships:
- Saying no
- Limiting the amount of time you spend with someone or the frequency of the meetings
- Limiting the amount of or type of physical contact
- Limiting when and how frequently they call/text/message
- Asserting that you would rather not discuss certain topics
- Freedom to have and express your own thoughts
- Declining or limiting support towards others
- Declining to lend someone money
Communicate your boundaries
Because boundaries differ vastly based on the person, it is crucial to communicate your boundaries with assertiveness and clarity to the other person to limit any misunderstanding.
Using ‘I’ statements is generally very effective and limits the chances that the other person will react negatively to your concern. When using ‘I’ statements, you speak in a way that highlights how it makes YOU feel.
You shift the focus away from accusing, blaming, or telling the other person what to do or not to do. Use assertiveness whilst doing so. Highlight your priorities and preferences in a straightforward manner. Try speaking calmly without raising your voice.
Expect and accept confrontation
Thirdly, accept any discomfort that may arise before, during, or after the conversation. Confrontation is often unpleasant and difficult, and those who are ‘people pleasers’ and agreeable struggle even more with asserting their opinions and needs. Accept that you may feel uncomfortable, and push through that temporary discomfort to limit future discomfort.
Things to remember
It’s important to be aware that you may sometimes be the one overstepping someone else’s boundaries. In such cases, try to understand their point of view, respect their desires, and try not to take it personally. Understanding and communicating your feelings in a calm, goal-oriented manner will facilitate a better and more honest relationship between you.
Need help with boundary setting?
As part of our Private Clinic, we have an in-house psychologist who can help you set boundaries, deal with difficult relationships, and learn the tools you need to manage your mental health and well-being as a whole. Whether you are a weight loss patient or want help with your overall health, we are here to support you.
Whether you are struggling with your weight, mental health, negative habits, activity levels, or general medical and wellness issues, our expert team at Health Volition offers a comprehensive, end-to-end healthcare support system based on your individual needs.
