How we behave in relationships and connect, as well as the expectations we place on others, is very much dependent on what our attachment style is. Just like every person is different and unique, our attachment styles reflect this. Our attachment style is based on the emotional connections we formed as a child, particularly with our primary caregivers – whether that be a parent, family member or stand-in parent.
The nature of your bonding experience during this impressionable phase of life determines how you relate to others and respond to care and intimacy throughout your life. In this article, we’ll explore the different types of attachment styles to help you understand your “self” on a deeper level and arm you with the knowledge to make better decisions about how you interact with the various people you form relationships with within your life.
Secure attachment styles
A person with a secure attachment style often experiences low anxiety and doesn’t tend to avoid situations, people or difficult conversations. People with this attachment style can generally form secure and loving relationships with ease. They can trust and be trusted; they are not looking out for people’s ulterior motives. They are comfortable with both intimacy and with giving others space when needed. This is the ‘ideal’ attachment style most people strive for.
Anxious attachment styles
Having an anxious attachment style can be incredibly difficult – it involves having a constant state of high anxiety and avoidance when it comes to difficult or confronting situations. People with this attachment style tend to be highly insecure in their relationships. They do not trust others, and so they often seek validation. They may be labelled “clingy” and “jealous”, often subconsciously pushing people away.
Avoidant attachment styles
An avoidant attachment style is common in people who have low anxiety and don’t find many scenarios uncomfortable – it tends to go over their heads. People with this attachment style generally have high self-esteem and are highly independent. They often believe they do not need to be in a relationship to feel fulfilled. Although this may sound like a positive trait, these people often avoid emotional closeness, suppress their feelings, and, therefore, struggle to create deep relationships.
Disorganised attachment styles
People with a disorganised style have high anxiety and avoid situations they don’t want to face at all costs. Those with this kind of attachment style generally crave attention yet also want to avoid it. They show a lot of inconsistency when it comes to their needs and behaviour. This style of attachment often stems from childhood physical, sexual, or emotional abuse, where the caregiver becomes a source of fear rather than safety. People with this attachment style often have an unstable self-image, are impulsive, and have poor emotional regulation skills.
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